dearest vek

It's not fun to see someone you love in that green hospital gown with multiple needles shot through their right hand. It's not fun to see them in pain and have to rely on pills and medication to take that pain away. And it's certainly not fun to see them so upset over being away from their family and friends. I hated seeing you lying down on that bed unable to get away without having to pull out wires and carry that monitor around. You were so fragile and soft, eating different fruits in a place so foreign. You weren't the man who smelled so heavily of cigarettes and cologne. You didn't have that arrogant smirk that you wore so often. You were just lying there on that bed, still and unmoving. I wanted to tell you so much about my day and how crazy it was. How i couldn't stop crying and all i wanted to do was see you from the moment i woke up all panicked. How i desperately texted your mum for your ward information that she never gave me. I wanted to tell you how my mother went crazy and cut me with a kitchen knife to get a picture off my laptop because i didn't give her the attention she wanted while i was watching the devil rock off that you so often sang to me. I couldn't. Seeing you on that hospital bed broke my heart. I was so worried. 

Now you're out and on the road to recovery. Your mum still hates me and tells me to stop disturbing you and let your heart rest. All we do is fight. I hate fighting with you. I want you to rest and recover and be happy. I'm not helping with my negative presence. I need to give you your space to find peace. Please be strong and know that i love you so.

love ems
xx