A not so poetic poem

Can't stop the hate that's running through my veins. Can't fight the power that forbade me of my freedom. Doomed forever in a melancholic hole of anger and frustrations. Not a single ray of light to show me back to where I belong. A happiness that is now relished by someone more worthy. To have something and not realise it's importance until it's absence is felt may be the cruelest of life's lessons.

who freaking cares

Stop being a judgemental prick and let everyone live their lives the way they want to. It's none of your business what i do or don't do! Gosh i am so sick of people who judges and picks on every little detail of my life. So what if i'm like this or that? What does that have to do with you? Just shut the fuck up and quit being a bitch. Fix yourself before you try to fix someone else's! 

Solitude

I've been feeling rather down lately. Sigh. It hurts to feel lonely, everyone would agree. Today i felt the immense pressure of solitude. Even more than most days.  

bleagh hair

I dyed my hair red on the 15th and fuck did it turn out badly!

To leave is better to be left.

- Sherrilyn Kenyon's, Devil may cry.


This is a picture i have taken from one of the scenes that i loved very much from this book where Acheron was advising his daughter, Kat, on love.


Your heart is the most important thing to protect. Never let anyone in or out. Pain is only bearable when it hasn't reached its edge. Prevention is better than cure. No one can hurt you unless you let them. It is always better to be uncaring. Unfeeling. Strong. You may think that I am a sadistic person for thinking this way, but this is safety. This is not allowing anyone the chance to create hurt or fear.

Love is silly and superfluous. The last time i had said it to someone whom i thought was special to me, i believed that i understood what it meant to love. I didn't. I was being foolish. The person i thought i had loved, i never really loved at all. I was only in love with the idea of being in love. My friends weren't help either because they praised him so much so it made me feel as though that love was real. "Love" made me feel happy, accepted, special, new. Most of all, it made me feel loved. I guess when that brief period ended, i was quite upset. Imagine having all you desired one day, and have it taken away another. It caused a lot of hate, anger and sadness to grow inside of me. I isolated myself from the people i cared most because i finally knew the power of abandonment. I knew how it had felt. It felt like a strike of a lightning bolt, perpetually pounding on your chest like as though you deserved it. Like you deserved to be punished and tormented. I utterly despised it that feeling of dire pain, so much so it derived a kind of bad habit that fed and bred the paranoia living inside of me. I kept reminding myself everyday at that point, to leave is better to be left. It was what had got me through it all, but because i have always been a strong, hard-shelled girl, it didn't take me long to get over that grieve.

I never got to write this before because i didn't want to look stupid, but i wanted to be able to look back at this text and smile. Smile because i know i have grown from this experience and not become some love-sick bimbo :)


xx, hugs ;)