dream a little dream of me

I live in the dream realm. I look forward to sleep. I enjoy the darkness that grows when my lids come to a close. Embracing the soft sounds in the background while I'm curled on my bed, still and vulnerable, leaving my body to rest for an 8-hour slumber.

It starts. The darkness turns into a huge screen just like in the movies. Familiar faces turn up on it and the scene starts small. Growing wilder as it plays along. A wonderland. An escape. A fairy tale. Even when it's bad, it's good. Every night a new story plays and I just lay there enjoying the show.

chirpy little school girl

Little life update; 

  Met people i enjoy being around

  Spent a week as a guy

  Slept in a tree house

  Went to the beach after 2 years

Birthday next week. Things on the wishlist;

I want you and you and you and you!

Indian love

A lovely indian day. Those aren't my parents, those are my best friend's parents (she's the one in purple, i'm merely the one next to her). They kindly invited me to their family day on Father's day to have seafood and we decided to wear punjabi suits and played a little game of dress up. 

T'was a good day. 

Still. Motionless.

Physical environment - 4
Business/career - 1
Finances - 5
Health - 7
Family and friends - 6
Romance - 0
Personal Growth - 10
Fun and recreation - 3

As you can most probably tell, my life is kind of motionless right now. Still figuring it out. Still trying to fix my shit and start being happy again. Honestly, i'm exhausted. With school. With my family. With myself. I need a rest. Sigh. I'm not sure what to do right now. I am in need of a long bath and a good book. After o-levels? Ugh. My life can only begin after o-levels, on the 15th of November. Endure. Stay focus. Relax.

xx

What song are you listening to Singapore?

Is it just me or was the guy at #3:30 really something? All man and emanating a kind of sexy confidence.... Err, i mean.. He has a great smile. Yup! Just a great smile. Nothing else. Haha but all jokes aside, i have watched quite a number of "What song are you listening to (insert name of country here)" and i think that most Singaporeans don't really know what they're listening to. It's almost as if they were forced to listen to a kind of music that every one else likes.. Hm. Just a thought, not trying to offend my fellow people. So try not to be too mad at me yeah?

Ideal life.

I want to get married. I want to call my husband on my way back home and say "love, do you need anything from the store before i get back?" I want to have kids. I want to have 2 kids. I want to wake up every morning to cook them breakfast. I want to bathe them and tuck them into bed. I want to shower them with lots of hugs and kisses. I want to go grocery shopping every weekend with my family and say no to all the sugary goods my kids will beg me for. I want to have a big pregnant belly and complain to my husband about how painful it is, everyday. I want to eat peanut butter on pickles and have no one judging me because i am pregnant. I want my husband pampering me with all the foods i am craving for. I want my husband to kiss my bloated belly. I want to make sweet love to him every night and wake up beside him every morning. I want love. I want a lot of it. This is all fantasy, i know. I'm happy just dreaming about it. It doesn't have to be real to content me :)

Everyone deserves a chance at love

I am fucking weak. I used to be much stronger. I let my walls down for you and only you. And now i am empty. I keep trying to move on but i can't. What the hell is wrong with me? Boys were never an issue for me, i could have gotten over a boy so easily before. At the snap of a finger, they would disappear out of my head as though they never even entered. What makes you so special? How are you any different from them? :( Last night i had a dream. This wonderful boy and i were together. We were happy. He was so perfect. Looks, character. He made me feel special. But then you came along, all angry. Screaming at me. Screaming at him. I froze. The moment you were close enough, i left his hands and hugged you. You stopped yelling, surprised at my reaction. I didn't need some "perfect guy" saving me from my despair. I just wanted you. It didn't matter if you were angry at me, i just wanted you there for me. All this, its just fantasy. Nothing but a dream. I should move on, i need to move on. Soon. It will happen when it happens. No rush. If i was meant for someone else, it will happen at its own time. Patience.